makeup lookbook

so I have a new passion for makeup 

and I'm going to record some of my work 

lol i sound so lame

I'm really bad at it 

but I'm learning 

double fuck

i hate everyone 

but i like my new cardigan 

 I really just wanna get the fuck out CA. 

my moms in denmark for a week and I'm so codependant on her 

when she gets back my therapist wants to come in and talk to her 

I have so much shit just bottled up 

its hella unhealthy 

I need to vent

nobody reads this who gives a fuck 

i hate my friends, i hate my family, i hate myself, i hate spelling, i hate school 

this is pointless 

fuck

gaaa i need to stop being depressed

i always said i think cutting yourself is stupid l`allalla 

but its the only way i can be like calm 

well the day has come

I knew the day was approaching, my brother finally gave up sobriety and left for good 

chose drugs over his family 

so now its just the three of us. 

I need to vent a little 

so two nights ago I came into my kitchen and my brother says " I fucked up" 

he did heroin. or coke. whatever besides the point

so hes going to detox at home again 

but this time he isn't allowed back in sober living so he has nowhere to go 

the next morning I woke up he was screaming on my deck 

crying the whole shabang 

so I went outside he smoked a cigarette we said nothing 

I consider these our last moments together that's why I'm over analyzing 

for some reason I just couldn't stop crying that day 

I knew it had to be something else 

so I went to my friends house, then slept over at my other friends house

woke up started walking home 

then i called my mom. She told me he had left for good, and he can't stay clean anymore what can I do. I sat at the bottom of my hill and cried a bit.. OK sobbed for 30minutes and at least 3 of my neighbors drove down pretended not to see me. 

they probably assumed my parents beat me or something lol why does everyone on this block think I have such shit parents? fuck. anyways these two nice ladies came and comforted me for a while and one told me "when you get home, picture him, and send him love. It will travel to him" 

this sounds kinda stupid now, but it really helped me 

I came home my mom started crying lala I cried all day... napped.... showered...cried... ate...cried 

and now I have come to the conclusion there is nothing I can do I can live as a only child whats three more years gonna hurt? 

my parents are devastated and I don't know what to tell them. They think hes coming back.. hah

why does this shit happen at the least convenient times 

relapsed my birthday 

relapsed finals week 

relapsed week before school 

fucking same shit all the fucking time 

but I'm glad its over 

I don't even know why I'm fucking typing this on a blog, my hand gets cramps if i wrote it down on paper

oh fuck 

I have to tell my friends now 

they always push for me to help my brother

they don't understand at all 

maybe I should just tell them he died 

cause that's whats gonna happen 

lets pray for a suicide 

for now I just have to smile through my own personal hell 

fuck I wish my parents weren't so disappointed 

and now I can't even go back to school shopping cause my parents have to work 

fuck my life 

this sounds hella over dramatic 

whatever I'm PMSing and my brothers gone

fuck I want this

so i cleaned out my closet and have about....no clothes

but whatever i want to start fresh 

I am allowed, 3 jeans, 3 tops, and 3 pairs of shoes 

so i must choose wisely 

and scarfs jewelery and shit 

but I really want this phone

yuss internets back

sucess

hmm well whats been up 

the usual hangingout whatever

my skin sucks 

my friend gave me hella foundation 

i got I.D. bare minerals 

and some mac foundation, perfume 

the MAC made me breakout 

and the bare minerals makes me look like i have skin colored chalk on my face 

anybody recomend good foundation out there? 

back to school shopping

another list.. 

I decided to be ORGANIZED for the first time in my life 

so I want pencils in what not..in  A POUCH yeah big deal for me 

paper, binder, sharpener, glue all that jazz. .

and on to 

CLOTHING

_________

1 pair of good fitting jeans 

1 good sweatshirt 

1 pair of slippers, new shoes 

shirts and dresses

hmm thats all i have so far i need to think this over.. 

YES I START MY XMAS LISTS IN JULY

so far.. 

I've been concidering..

cosmetics

1. foundation primer 

2. all sorts of makeup, eyeshadow whatnot 

3. LIP PLUMPER 

clothing

1. silk scarfs (black, grey)

2.jeans ( true religion, lucky)

3.f21, uo gift cards

electronics

1. ipod nano (new)

fuck my life

so i slept over at zoes house 

and litterally COULD NOT sleep 

1 a.m. 2 a.m. 3a.m. 4a.m...and 5 

then zoes mom had to go somewhere at 6 so i got a ride home and... 

STILL NOT SLEEPING

what the fuck is wrong with me? 

whoaaa shit my cousin from denmark added me

light/dark

LIGHT OR DARK?? 

oh and..

what color do you think i should dye my hair 

i have green eyes, and my skin can get pretty tan 

I'm tworn between staying blondish or going chocalate brown 

any opinions? 

godtdag

soo yesterday i went to the fair with rachel, trudy and lish 

and wow 

lish had like uhh whats it called 

idk she just like passed out from not eating or whatever

and it drives me crazy 

I know i should be sensitive to a eating disorder but.. i really don't care 

its her fault 

she should just fucking EAT SOMETHING 

i dont know what else to do to help her 

happy 4th

yeee 

things have been good 

i decided to start wearing foundation, big step for me 

i had to see my brother yesterday 84R084R80RCDSOBVSUD awkward silences 

and my friend has been pushing for us to have a relationship of somesorts cause she thinks if were friends he'll want to stay off heroin. But I don't know how to talk to him. its hard to see somebody you loved ruining there lives.

but I don't even know how i feel about him anymore.

maybe I'm PMSing, but its nice to get my mind off my stupid brother since his relapse 

I've been just...relaxing, hangingout with friends what have you 

things are good 

and I'm excited for school to start idk why 

this one song

heartbeats by the knife 

so boss 

I can't stop listening to it 

there a pretty sketch looking band though hah---------->

anyways another boring summer day, I'm starting to get a little more into my "fashion identity" I think I'm past my phase of confusion 

simple trendy, i guess i would call it 

well anywhos 

I had a bunk dream 

hopefully it won't predict the future

summer job

everybodys getting one but me 

I have about zero previous job expeirence and yeah.. 

whatever I'll get one next summer :)

blah blah blah, 

List of things i need to do

__________________

a. keep up with my hygeine routine, (i.e. washing face everyday EVEN IF i sleepover somewhere) 

b. attempt to get a job

c. catch up with my friends who have been on vacation 

d. walk the dog

e. diet hbosausboudbAHAHAH 

f. get over T 

g. return allissas tanktop

h. take advantage of the lucky sale before it ends. 

i. SELL MY TRUE RELIGION JEANS TO A CONSIGNMENT STORE, quit putting it off emma ushsduohu

wishlist

_______

white eyeliner JUMBO-benefit 

nude lipstick 

a nice dress from UO 

some new scarfs

bleached mah jeans

they turned out pretty good 

but I'm kinda in a style crisis 

I'm becoming more..idk boring clean cut? 

less nuts haha 

i guess i might just be a walking oxymoron 

a girl who dresses old school preppy, and listens to electronic metal 

haha 

anywhos 

here are ze jeans 

i played DDR/guitar hero for about 6 hours yesterday 

I think i got carple tunnel, and when i close my eyes all i see is the ddr arrows haha . 

andd wow im so obsessed with a certain someone, and now R is trying to talk to me WTF what a cunt. 

I think im becoming more mature, I find myself more interested in makeup than clothes now a days. 

if my mom looses her job, she wants to go to the beauty academy and work with skin care. I kinda want to follow in her footsteps as well 

OH AND LAST ONE

NO SUMMER SCHOOL 

WOO

tres, tre, two, twa

blahblahblah 

its a boring summer day now, onto my third post in the last 15mins hah 

well, I've lost a very dear friend and i hate to be sappy but i miss her 

she used to be my best fried and now.. yeah she talking shit hah 

here are some memories of EMMA+REANNA

even though she is a cunt now haha 

again i say 

fuck her

NAHNAHNAHNAHNAHH

i also found a great band called the knife from sweden 

oh and i have been practicing my danish for my next trip to denmark WOO 

goddag, hvordan har du det? 

rart at mode dig

oh and im totally obessed with a certain somebody and i need to get over it 

fuck 

FUCK 

gbiaosdowdubcod

I'm actually ten times less depressed when I'm not in school, like the increase of happiness is insane 

and I did a little room makeover so I'm feeling good 

haven't written on here for a while

I'm not good with diary/blogs 

I can never keep up with them 

well whats been up with me, maybe i shall express/vent my summer so far

ze drama

_______

my brother relapsed and started using speedballs(coke/heroin) again, his face was all cut up, he detoxed at home and now he is in a program YAY OLIVER, woo

another relapse... 

my moms good friend greg relapsed after being 4 years sober and went on a rampage of stealing houses in my neighborhood. 

big woop 

anywhos, this has been a decent summer. pretty much all the usual poeple i hang out with are on vacation and when they get back its time for the FAIR yayyy!!!1

I went to sea ranch again, and had a wonderful time and got HELLA tan 

i had a week phase of smoking cigs hah ik super lame

but i stopped

thats pretty much it. 

heyheyhey

whoaaa shit i haven't posted on here in a while

i'm not good with blogs/journals 

but i have been buisy 

i need some ME time 

here are some pictures haha cause i don't know how to express/vent

shits wack

haha throw'n up my T and puttin on mah face

im going insane before finals 

i don't know shit about science 

fuck my life 

i dont want to go to summer school hella bad 

EVERYTHING IS FUCKING BUNK 

but to look on the bright side school will be out and i had a wonderful lunch in the city yesterday 

I BE the GOLDEN EYE

P.S.

FACEBOOK

MYSPACE

                                                                          plane ride to denmark------------->

OK three in one day, whatever I'm bored 

its my moms birthday, and i am forced to spend time with little kids 

Emma(my name) means mother and hebrew, and i could not hate little kids more 

now what was the point of this post again.. 

oh yeah pictures 

really faded---------------------------------------------->

                                                                                                                                    

Hate to post two in one day

i find this whole blog thing bizzar, but i guess i will just write about myself, and my thoughts/outfits, for personal records

soo lets see yesterday i went to my friend's brothers concert &wore

------->

american apparel dress in thats color

black denali northface

black tights

and minetonka moccasins 

HMMM a blog

Well this is my frist blog post

I guess I should tell you something interesting about myself.. well 

I'm not much of a writer

I speak english/danish 

I like fashion and care about my apperance 

I love my friends and am currently content 

I don't hav the best family situation i guess you could say 

I live in the BAY AREA 415, were we g0 hyphii33 &&g3t crunk (JP)

I like to have fun&&&party

and I love thrift shops, and mexican food

and I'm learning spanish 

thats about it for now 

theres a picture of me from summer, not the best picture but whatever, more soon i guess